turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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