I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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