You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
