He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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