i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
