I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
