Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
