I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
as a side note pls kill me
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