i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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