Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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