Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
