We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
