And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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