i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
