I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
