Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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