I just made out with a guy for $7.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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