oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
