Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
