just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
