you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
