so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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