the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
