I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
