drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
