You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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