When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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