She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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