This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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