I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
