his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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