you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
