Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
