im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I want a musical about memes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
