he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
