i just had sex bonerless
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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