Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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