two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
