You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
