I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
