you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
