I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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