Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
