Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just gift wrapped bread.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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