if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
