So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
