i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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