jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
