somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
