if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
