Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
